We are escorted from the emergency room at TCH up to what will be our “house” for the next six days or so. We make our way up to the 9th floor which is dedicated strictly to blood disorders. It’s quiet. It’s late. Everyone seems to be talking really fast. We all settle in. At this point Johnny has no idea what is going on, and Mike and I are in a daze. We still aren’t sure exactly what type of Leukemia he has. And until we have all of the facts, we won’t tell the kids anything, except that there is something wrong with Johnny’s blood. Nurses come and go. Time passes. The room is dark, and Johnny falls asleep about 3 AM. The pediatric attending comes in. Mike and I pepper her with questions. But she really can’t answer any of our questions yet. More tests need to be taken. But she tries to assure us that with technology these days, Leukemia has a 70% cure rate. 70%?! To me that is barely passing! As I said this to her, I broke down. Then she broke down too. No one knew what to say. We just sat and stared, and wiped our tears.
Mike was laying on the pull-out bed, and finally fell asleep about 4:30.
I was laying next to Johnny looking at him as he slept. Just like I did on the day he was born. But this was different. I stared at every inch of his face, just like I did on the day he was born. But today, it was different. I thought about what our future together was going to be like, just like on the day he was born. But today, it was different.
I need to get to sleep! I tried. I mean I REALLY tired. I closed my eyes tight, but for some reason they just popped back open. I couldn’t understand it. I had a big day about to start. Possibly the biggest day of my life, and I HAD to get some rest. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was actually amazed and commented to myself on how empty my mind was. Yet, there I was, just staring at the walls as I watched the sun rise.
Shit! It’s almost time for the doctors to come in, and I’ve been awake for 24 hours. How will I be when they start to tell me what will happen next?